Tomorrow is either an End or New Beginning

So I posted awhile back that I was pregnant. I may not be for much longer.

Tuesday I went to the doctor to see why I was experiencing some things. At that point in time I was 11 weeks and 2 days according to my last period, 30 Jan 2010. While checking for the baby's heartbeat, they realized that no matter where they placed the doppler, they couldn't find the it. They decided to do a vaginal scope. After pinpointing where they fetus was, they told me that my dates were wrong. I explained to them that I was 100% positive on when my last period was because that is the same night Cyrus went to the hospital due to the beer bottle incident. They informed me that the baby was only 6 weeks along. They told me that either I just skipped my feb period for some reason, or I was having a miscarriage. So far I'd only had a small amount of blood. Actually I didn't even know that it was blood. I have to go back on Monday (tomorrow) to see if the baby has grown. If the baby is up to 7 weeks growth, then everything is fine, I'll just be pregnant for longer than I thought. That means that my pregnancy test picked me up being barely 2 weeks pregnant.
However, if the baby has not grown that means that I am as far along as I thought and I lost the baby at 6 weeks. After leaving the hospital, I started to actually bleed to the point that there is no mistaking it. It's personal but since my visit the bleeding has increased to resemble between a medium and heavy period. I'm pretty sure that the baby is gone but we find out for sure on monday.

I'm ok. Not necessarily fine, but I'm dealing with it as best I can. Cyrus is doing alright, more worried about me than anything. I know that Enya can't quite understand what's going on but I've have told her and explained as best I could. She really has been helping me through this. She makes me smile and laugh almost every second that I'm with her. I'll post more information as I know. I thank you for your support and if there is anything you can help with I'll let you know. There probably won't be anything though.

Thank you for reading and I'll keep you updated. Thank you for your love and support.

Posts

I think I've just found the number one way to make me cry. I read a few of my friend's posts and then followed link after link after link and came to some very horrible blogs. Not horrible as in how they are written, but horrible as in what they are about. One regarding a woman who has just realized her boyfriend is messing around with her mother. One about a woman recalling an incident where her father went to jail after shooting at her. One about a woman finding out her husband is cheating on her. One about a facebook invitation from her father where he wants to be friends then blocks her then befriends her again. The last is about a woman who is dealing with her husband's emotional infidelity. This last one was terrible. It really made me cry. This woman wrote like she was actually speaking to her husband. She tried to explain how all of it makes her feel, how he's neglecting her and their children, how he's only happy when he talks to her.... I barely managed to make it through the whole blog because I didn't want to imagine what any of that would feel like. At the end this woman just kept telling herself that she mattered, she mattered. She mattered even if only in her mind. The desperate plea and outcry at the end was the worst. I know that I myself have gone through some hardships and pain. I've dealt with feelings that people should never have to deal with. I've had self esteem issues, I still do. I still have issues with 'Do I matter? Does anyone even care?' But what this woman was going through, I would never wish on anyone. Like I said, I don't even want to imagine what she must be going through. Dear writer, you have my prayers and I hope that you and your family can make it through.

The Scoop on Poop

This is copied from ChemistryMama's blog and I found it extremely amusing seeing as how Enya has done many of the same things. I will only post her rules, however so that her entire blog is not sitting on mine like I stole it. After she states the rules, she goes on to explain a particular instance when her children have done this. So in honor of ChemistryMama, I will post what Enya has done that is similar.

Rules of Baby Poop
Baby Poop Rule #1: Thou shalt completely obliterate at least one outfit from each size bracket with a particularly colorful contribution.
*Enya had a really cute purple onesie with a green frog and matching purple pants. One day while wearing said outfit, Enya decided to let go of the poop she'd been holding on to for about a week! Poop was everywhere! Up her back, down her legs, everywhere! It was ridiculous! The cute little outfit turned a weird brownish-green on the back and no matter how many times I washed it, the outfit never returned to it's original cute-ness.*

Baby Poop Rule #2: Thou shalt hold all poop until mom is walking out the door with you to go somewhere, preferably 10 minutes late to get to somewhere important.
*Yesterday, I had to take Cyrus his lunch and some of his equipment for work to turn in. He had a very short lunch break and I had just woken up. Enya of course had been awake for awhile playing in her crib. So as I'm lifting her out of the crib to get her buckled into the carseat for the mad-dash to drop Cyrus off his stuff I hear it.... that subtle splooge noise that lets you know 'if you don't change this quick, you're going to regret it'. I was able to change Enya semi-quickly and still managed to get to Cyrus on time. Enya the whole time just sat there and giggled at me.*

Baby Poop Rule #3: Thou shalt coordinate thy pooping with as many siblings as possible.
*Ok, since Enya is currently an only child we have yet to see if she'll do this one too. However, a few times watching her buddy Aiden, they decided it would be cute to poop together but it was not the scary pooping that Enya is sometimes known for.*

Baby Poop Rule #4: Thou shalt poop in the first diaper just enough to demand a diaper change, but reserve enough to dirty the second (or third) diaper immediately after.
*So the other day we had some people over and Enya let one go. I waited a couple of minutes to make sure that she was finished and as I picked her up, I realized my hand was goopy. After the wide, bug eyed look of 'oh crap!' I quickly got Enya changed into another diaper and laid her down on a blanket and gave her a toy. After cleaning the seat that she had previously been sitting in, I turned to pick her up and discovered that she had gone again. Only this time, it was on her, the blanket, the toy, somehow my leg.... the diaper did very little to buffer the poop explosion.*

Baby Poop Rule #5: Thou shalt do all thy best pooping at a time when thy little heinie is not easily accessible.
*I have made many trips with Enya. This little trooper has been to TX, OK, KS, MO, Iowa and Illinois. One of Enya's favorite times to poop is on the extremely long car rides where we're trying to make it somewhere before dark because the van does not have one of the headlights. Let me tell you, it is no joy of mine sitting in a car with a giggling baby who has just stunk up the car.*


So yea, those are the rules of Poop that I have found and little examples of my beautiful daughter demonstrating the acts. Hope you have enjoyed.

Until next time: Love, Kisses and Blessings